National Hanging in the Outhouse Day

That wonderful time of year again. It kicks off with the car and furniture commercials – usually featuring good ole George Washington and Honest Abe Lincoln. Oh how incessant for a couple of weeks, those wonderful sales commercials pushing for the new sofa or pickup. Then, just when you think it’s over – oh joy! – it’s the after President’s Day Weekend sale, because, you know, the sales event was such a big success we just couldn’t let it end now!

Oh God, the banality of it all. Nothing makes me want to buy a car or armchair less than these annual traditions of sales pitches. The same goes for WaWa and the damnable summer of Hoagie Fest we have to suffer through, and the Discovery Channel’s Shark Week promos – which usually start a good two months before the damn week arrives.

But that’s only a drop in the bucket compared with what every year brings to us nowadays. It seems that it wasn’t all that long ago that we only had to tolerate a handful of those made-up “holidays” – you know the ones that are really only there to keep the greeting card people employed. Not that I think they are all bad people – in fact there are some very creative ones I have come across over the years. The thing that really irks me are the “holidays” that help boost those sales. It really kicks off with the one that is impending as I write this – the oh so wonderful Valentine’s Day. That day where we are supposed to celebrate the one special person in your life – unless you are single, in which case it is a glaring reminder of rejection and loneliness. What a bunch of friggin’ nonsense.

Personally speaking, I think every day should be a day where couples should celebrate, support, and appreciate each other. I don’t need somebody trying to sell a greeting card with a heart on it that this one day is more important than any other day. Same goes for all those other “Special” days, like Secretary’s Day, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, Third Cousin Twice Remove on Your Half-Step-Brother’s Side day. What a bunch of bull. No day is any different other day – be it one of these days, a birthday, or what have you. Dinner still needs to be cooked. The Cat still needs to be fed. The Dog shit still needs to be picked up from the yard. Whether I do it on one of these days, or just a “normal” day is pretty much irrelevant. Same thing with Birthdays. I don’t think it is possible for me to care any less about the anniversary of my birth. It’s not like I did anything special on that day – it was pretty much out of my control – just another random day out of 365. If anything should be celebrated it should be God and my parents for bringing about the event – and God gets his day every Sunday.

You know what day I find special? The day where I don’t have to go to work and can just sit on the couch and vegetate … I mean mediate on the meaning of Life for the whole damn day. Now that’s something worth celebrating. Now what’s really gotten to be completely asinine are all these “National Days” that seem to be the vogue thing – National Ice Cream day, National Cookie Day, National Peanut Butter day, and so on and so forth. Pretty much every damn day of the year is a National Celebrate this thing day. It’s gets to the point where it just becomes pointless. You know why days like Christmas, Easter, Saint Patty’s Day, and the like are special? Because they are celebrated once a year. To have a National whatever day every day pretty much makes celebrating anything one step above banality. Again, I don’t need a day in which Ice Cream is more special – frigg, I’ll eat ice cream every damn day and enjoy it the first time just as much as the 365^th time. I don’t need some day in July to feel that it is more special or worth celebrating more than any other day of the year.

You know who and/or what should get their holidays and National Celebratory days? Those who have helped mankind advance in a positive manner; those who have found cures for disease and those who are still working diligently on finding cures for those afflictions that still ail us. I mean hell, Columbus gets a special day, and all he did was take the long way to the orient until he bumped into a bit of land. Frigg, it’s not like he was even the first to reach the Americas for crying out loud. How about Marie Curie, Jonas Salk, or Edward Jenner? Where the hell are their days?

Now, if there’s any day that I can actually get behind, that would be May 26^th. That day is Cosmos Day, and that’s one of those “lesser” holidays that I can actually get behind. So until then, you can take all those other holidays and stuff ‘em. I’ve wasted enough time today – gotta go get the pooper scooper and get back to work.